The Swiss authorities have decided not to extradite popular film director and talented child rapist Roman Polanski to the United States. In 1978, Polanski pleaded guilty to unlawful sexual intercourse with a thirteen-year-old girl and then fled the country. Even Lindsay Lohan wouldn’t ignore the court’s ruling on this case. Yet, the Swiss Justice Ministry wanted to see more evidence. Maybe they needed more proof he was guilty other than the time when he stood in a courtroom and said, “Guilty.” Maybe they overlooked the young victim’s graphic testimony and the fact that Polanski’s been on the run for 32 years, which is nearly three times the age the girl was. That. He. Raped. Or maybe they were looking for any excuse to let him off the hook. But why?

It’s well established that Switzerland’s neutral stance in the world means that they don’t take sides. Now, suddenly, it’s not just taking sides, it’s siding with a convicted rapist. Even Iran is saying, “Holy shit, Switzerland, what are you doing?”

One theory could be that Switzerland is lining itself up to be a popular vacation destination for sexual predators. Let’s just say that “Heidi” was based on a real story, and that man was not her grandfather. The country’s slogan “Switzerland: Get Natural” may soon be replaced with “Switzerland: Get Naked and Don’t Tell Your Mommy”. And don’t be surprised if the official announcement of Roman Polanski’s release came from their Department of Tourism. You can check their website for any updates.

To be fair to the Swiss, living in the high altitudes of the Alps means there is less oxygen. And anyone knows that side effects of oxygen deprivation are yodeling and harboring violent pedophiles.

The Swiss are not the only ones supporting Roman Polanski. There are some people in Hollywood who want Polanski to be able to return to California and make movies without the inconvenience of going to jail like an average non-celebrity. This blind support of Polanski gives the impression to the rest of the world that, in Hollywood, if you’re famous and talented enough, you can get away with anything. And that impression is absolutely, irrefutably wrong. You have to be rich enough, too.

Thanks to the Swiss government, Roman Polanski can leave the hell of his million-dollar Alpine chalet and roam free throughout parts of Europe, which is lucky for him, because he has another week left on his Eurail Pass. Now he will be able to continue his life’s work astounding generations of film lovers and freshly drugged, seventh grade girls. Way to go, Switzerland.

Read more: Roman Polanski Arrest, Lindsay Lohan, Switzerland, Roman Polanski, Comedy News