As I was strolling through the European Paintings collection at the Metropolitan Museum of Art the other day, Paulus Bor’s “The Disillusioned Medea” (“The Enchantress”) caught my eye. The painting is beautiful, but in the particular room in which it hangs, it does not differ much in subject or in size from its companions. What stands out is not Medea’s lonely gaze but the nipple slyly protruding from her off-the-shoulder gown. In essence, it is Bor’s rendition of the first nip slip.

When VH1 runs “I Love the 00’s,” the nip slip will require its own segment. From 2000 to 2009, shocking children and parents alike, the nip slip became a cultural phenomenon. Lindsay and Paris were the early faces of this movement, but since the 2004 Super Bowl, Janet Jackson’s star-studded, rounded flesh, made the nip slip a must for any attention-seeking female celebrity. Jackson gave new meaning to the term “waldrobe malfunction,” and CBS is still fighting the FCC over the fine. The ongoing case may set television legal precedence unseen since F.C.C. v. Pacifica Foundation, which famously centered on George Carlin’s “Seven Dirty Words” routine.

The nip slip is perhaps most fascinating because its evolution is an indicator of how jaded we have become to the celebrity body. While the nip slip was hitting its stride in the early to mid 00’s, we were eagerly following the homerun prowess of Sammy Sosa, Mark McGuire, and Barry Bonds. They were our American idols. They single-handedly led the resurgence of our National Pastime and they did so by awing us with their superhuman strength. The grace of Jordan, the finesse of Gretzky, and the hands of Rice defined the 80’s and 90’s, but now we were witnessing the emergence of power and we couldn’t get enough of it.

When the bubble burst and what we thought was superhuman strength was actually inhuman strength created by Human Growth Hormones, we became outraged, skeptical, and finally, defeated. And this brings us to the present. Now, we are accustomed to being always-questioning and ever-dubious of an athlete’s physical achievement, and rightfully so. Even during the 2010 Vancouver Olympics, we fed on stories heralding the athlete’s celebrity rather than on the physical preparedness that brought them fame.

In the past month, Greg Oden and George Hill have stood nude in front of a mirror and captured the sight on their cell phones, and Chuck Liddell and Heidi Northcott thought it would be a good idea to exercise naked together while a camera was rolling. Although Liddell says that he “thought it would be funny” to exercise naked, he also claims that he did not know a camera was running but that “it’s not a big deal.” Most recently, video has surfaced of Bengals receiver Chad Ochocinco running nude through the park one morning. When asked by Sports Illustrated if he always jogs naked, Ochocinco responded, “Yeah, why wouldn’t I? What’s wrong with that? I take a shower naked.”

The truth is, he has no reason not to anymore. Leaving the museum and passing by the Greek and Roman Art Collection, I was reminded of how much importance used to be placed on the human form and how the athlete’s body was revered through art. No longer, though, do we see musculature and exclaim “wow!” Instead, we question “how?” Since Sosa, McGuire, Bonds, and A-Rod, since Landis and possibly Armstrong, since Marion Jones, we are sick of hearing about, reading about, and seeing the athlete’s body. We just aren’t amazed anymore. So the next time you confusedly see in a 6’1”, 180 lbs. wide receiver running nude through the park, Ochocinco’s question remains:

Why wouldn’t he?

Read more: Paris Hilton, CBS Sports, Heidi Northcott Naked, Lindsay Lohan, Barry Bonds, Metropolitan Museum of Art, Janet Jackson, Vancouver Olympics, Chuck Liddell Nude, Chad Ochocinco, Sammy Sosa, Floyd Landis, Mark McGwire, Lance Armstrong, George Hill, Greg Oden, Marion Jones, Sports News

I’m with everyone else who couldn’t figure out Lindsay Lohan’s $100 million lawsuit against E-Trade because one of the babies in a TV spot had her name…. You know, whatever she said.

But, once again, Advertising Age came to my rescue. I opened my mailbox on March 9 to find the headline:

“Was Lohan’s $100M Suit Against E-Trade Crowdsourced”?

I hadn’t read or heard the word “crowdsourced” before, but I did hope to find an explanation for the latest silly celebrity lawsuit.

It turns out that Lindsay and her Twitter followers were apparently upset or bothered or something when they saw the spot during the “Super Bowl.” AD AGE did thorough research and reported they think the lawsuit was a “crowdsourced effort by friends and random friends of Ms. Lohan on Twitter.”

The reporter did his research:

“A quick look back at her Twitter page shows that Ms. Lohan was watching the Feb. 7 Super Bowl broadcast, and its commercials, closely. She tweeted with some shock during the game: “Did that just happen? On that commercial? Or am I wrong? 5:44 PM Feb 7th via UberTwitter.”

(I didn’t know there was an UberTwitter either, BTW.)

“…that commercial” is apparently the talking babies trading stocks who know another baby, the “milkaholic Lindsay.”

(I can figure out what a milkaholic is. I just can’t equate what it has to do with the actress.)

I was not Tweeting during the Super Bowl (and I don’t think Lindsay Lohan is on my friends list), so I missed what AD AGE reported: “a lot of people were talking about it on Twitter in the aftermath of the spot’s airing – with many egging Ms. Lohan on to file a lawsuit against E-Trade.” The story actually quotes some of these instigators and shows Ms. Lohan’s responses.

I think my favorite part of the reporter’s observations is, “But it’s pretty surprising that before filing the suit she didn’t delete her Twitter comments.” Ah, the Tiger Woods effect strikes again.

All right. Now I know what crowdsourcing is: It’s a bunch of people giving celebrities bad advice about subjects they know nothing about it.

If anyone thinks I should sue a “candy” company, or complain about anything to do with “spelling,” please comment here. I’ve never been crowdsourced.

Read more: Twitter, Lindsay Lohan, Crowdsource, Lawsuit, Super Bowl, Advertising Age, Entertainment News

Following her disastrous collection, Lindsay Lohan has been fired from Emanuel Ungaro. Now that her career in haute couture is derailed, what can our plucky LiLo do next?

* VIP cocktail waitress in Vegas — if Rachel Uchitel could land a man like Tiger Woods from this job, think about the guy or girl Lindsay could land.
* Molson Beer Girl — it worked out really well for Pamela Anderson. That said, does it matter that Lindsay isn’t from Canada?
* Celebrity personal assistant — because it would be karmic retribution for treating her own assistants like crap.
* Drug dealer — cut out the middleman!
* Dancing with the Stars contestant — seriously, I can’t believe she hasn’t done this one already. Think how awesome it would be if Maks was her partner.
* DJ — if you can’t be with the one you love, honey, love the one you’re with.
* Girl Next Door — now that the Shannon twins have moved out of the Playboy Mansion, Hef is in the market for some more girlfriends. Lindsay could get her own room!
* John Mayer’s New Girlfriend — doesn’t pay, but the publicity can’t be beat.
* Body double in Twilight — simply having her name attached to that film couldn’t be a bad idea at this point in her career.

See more at The Gloss.

Read more: Rachel Uchitel, Hugh Hefner, John Mayer, Twilight, The Girls Next Door, Lindsay Lohan, Pamela Anderson, Comedy News

Parents wanting to name their baby “Lindsay” may want to think twice, after E-Trade Financial found itself at the unintended comedic end of a $100M lawsuit brought about by the actress Lindsay Lohan who claims that the Super Bowl ad for the company defamed her.

The story, appearing in the New York Post, is fairly stunning.

Ms. Lohan, who just watched her fashion career with Ungaro sink faster than a submarine with screen doors, seems to think that she is in the same class of celebrity as “Oprah” or “Angelina,” when the truth is that her co-star Herbie is probably better known as a first-name actor.

The suit was filed in a Nassau County (NY) court. No word yet as to whether terrorists have spiked the water in Nassau with hallucinogens or other narcotics that might explain what would prompt area lawyer Stephanie Ovadia filing this suit for Ms. Lohan. I guess if the cash is green and you can avoid openly laughing when someone with a first name shared by millions of other people comes and tells you that she wants damages for use of her uniqueness, you can file almost anything.

First, watch the commercial, if you haven’t seen it already:

Now I’ve seen this commercial a few times, and I cannot say with a straight face that I ever found any reason to suggest that it was riffing on Lindsay Lohan.

Perhaps if the male baby had said something like: “Lindsay? Oh you mean that skanky freckled-face bi-sexual baby and media ho?” Then maybe she might have a point.

E*Trade should give her a million for the free publicity.

What’s next? Lawyers recommending to y’all that everyone with a child named Lindsay should find a lawyer, develop a slog of class-action lawsuits, and sue E-Trade for defaming your daughter’s good name?

Make sure, by the way, that you file a trade or service mark for your child’s name at birth, as Lindsay’s mom apparently has done.

Lindsey Graham is thinking about filing a similar suit, as are Lindsay Wagner and Lindsay Price and Lindsay Hartley and Lindsey Vonn.

I’m thinking, for my son, Holden, to compel the Salinger estate to recall every copy of “Catcher in the Rye,” and to demand that the name “Holden Caulfield” be replaced with “Iggy Caulfield” Let the guys named Iggy fight that one out.

I can see the 15-minutes-of-fame thing as a selling point to the lawyer, but, unless there is some brilliant strategy on the part of Ms. Lohan’s agent and management in making her look like a complete fool and spend a week as the subject of jokes on the nighttime shows instead of pitching her upcoming projects on them, then I can’t see the win here.

Even New York and LA area crack dealers are sitting back and shaking their heads at this one.

Lindsays ain’t easy to love and they’re harder to hold.
They give you a song-and-dance and demand diamonds and gold.
Designer buckles and old faded jeans,
And each night begins a new binge.
If you don’t like their acting as teens,
Now it’ll probably make you cringe.

Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be Lindsays.
Don’t let ’em make movies or design fashion lines,
Let ’em be actresses and publicity-hounds and such.
Mamas don’t let your babies grow up to be Lindsays.
‘Cos they’ll never stay home and they’re always alone.
Even with someone they love.

Lindsays like smokey old club rooms and all kinds of liquor,
Little Gucci handbags and bad boys and girls of the night.
Them that don’t know her won’t like her and them that do,
Sometimes won’t know how to take her.
She ain’t wrong, she’s just different but her pride won’t let her,
Do things to make you think she’s right in the head.

Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be Lindsays.
Don’t let ’em on Leno or Letterman too,
Let ’em do Kimmel and Ferguson and such.
Mamas don’t let your babies grow up to be Lindsays.
‘Cos they’ll think they’re bigger than they are,
And sue someone for using the name.

Ms. Lohan, you’re no Oprah. Leave your comedy career on the silver screen, and keep it out of the courtroom.

My shiny two.

Read more: Herbie, Lindsay Lohan, E*Trade, Angelina Jolie, Herbie the Love Bug, Humor, Comedy News, Hollywood, Comedy, Lawsuits, Oprah Winfrey, Lohan Sues E*Trade, E*Trade Lawsuit, Entertainment, Law, Oprah, Angelina, Funny, Entertainment News

Part seven in a series.

As I went through “Be Present” week of “Mental Muscle” Boot Camp, a life-changing experience from the past was never far from my thoughts.

Two years ago, a fight with a longtime friend escalated while I was at work and could not speak by phone. Fierce emails were traded back and forth. By the time I left the office that night, I was in a complete rage.

As I got in my car and turned the ignition, the fight continued in my head. My anger remained at a fever pitch as I planned out what I’d say the next time my friend and I might speak.

Then I remembered a passage from Eckhart Tolle’s “A New Earth” about car accidents and a person’s state of consciousness when they’re involved in one. I recognized that I was not fully paying attention and primed to have an accident if I did not find a way to calm down.

Tolle’s primary lessons are about being in “the present moment” or “the now.” I took a deep breath and decided to put my focus squarely on what was happening in that exact moment and nothing else. I started out in silence, but my thoughts kept drifting back to the fight. I doubled my focus by speaking every thought about the present moment out loud.

“I am driving.”

“I am driving and breathing.”

“I am driving and looking at that red stop light.”

“I am driving and watching that dog pee on the lawn.”

….and so on, for the entire half-hour trek home.

By the time I walked into my apartment, I was completely calm. Whatever rage I felt was gone. The fight was now in the past and I was not about to interrupt the calm by bringing it back into the present.

With this experience, I ingrained an understanding of what it means to be fully engaged with the present moment. So, I wondered what reactions “Be Present” week in Boot Camp would bring up as I’d already incorporated this practice into my life.

One of James Mellon’s directives was to take an hour and do something fulfilling that was “outside the norm.” I was spooked by those words, “outside the norm”, because I had no clue what that would be. I immediately went to the “Mental Muscle” blog to express that.

As I wrote that I already take an hour to do something fulfilling every day, a voice from the past rose up. During a breakup, someone said to me, “I think all you like to do is watch television and go to movies.” With those words, I bought into a belief that my world is small and I am limited in what I like to do.

Three days later, James read that aloud during one of the chat sessions, and said, “Who gets to judge what you like to do? Maybe you’re just specific in what you enjoy. How about that? How about getting rid of ‘I am limited’ and instead saying, ‘I know me. I know who I am. I know what I like and I’m open to liking more things’?”

I had never thought of it that way. I held on to an ex-boyfriend’s words for almost 20 years and allowed them to define me. This was just another reminder of how easy it has been to carry negative events from my past into the present.

Recently, I’d made a decision to welcome a new room-mate into my apartment. My landlord had final say over my choice. When we spoke, he made his reservations clear, but also said, “I trust and have faith in you and know you’ll be responsible.”

I didn’t focus on that part of what he said at all. I was stuck on the fact that he had reservations about my choice. I was now rethinking a decision I had been solid with for days. The possibilities of what could go wrong came up. What if I was about to make a mistake?

This is a pattern. I tend to discount my own voice because I think people I trust know better for me than I know for myself.

I was with a friend and fellow Boot Camper, AJ, when I hung up the phone with my landlord. I talked out the fear, trying to understand why I was blocked when five minutes prior, I was so certain. Once I came to a conclusion, I thanked AJ for being there. He said, “I didn’t do anything. You did it.”

What I had done was recognize that I was trying to outguess the future, and therefore, not present. I can be incredibly fearful of making a mistake. It’s as if I want to be absolutely perfect with every choice I make, so there will be no regrets.

Ultimately, I see that is all about a need for control and “staying safe.” Of course, I don’t want negative outcomes, but I can’t control whether or not they happen.

In a way, this experience repeated itself on Monday. I wasn’t feeling well and spent an hour debating whether I should call in sick to work. All I could think about was work getting backed up and how overwhelmed I would feel when I returned.

My present state of physical health and taking care of myself so I could be functional was less on my mind than future consequences from my absence. That is definitely not “the now.” I wound up calling in.

Compared to the intensity of previous weeks of Boot Camp, I felt like I got a bit of a breather this week. At the very least, I am glad to be reminded that letting go of the past, and stopping projection into the future, can only lead to a perfect present.

Read more: Science of Mind, Eckhart Tolle a New Earth, Being Present, Spiritual Boot Camp, The NoHo Arts Center for New Thought, New Thought, Eckhart Tolle, James Mellon, Mental Muscle, Anxiety, Spirituality, Meet the Press, Lindsay Lohan, Lady GaGa, Happiness, Libya, The Inner Life, Living News