What can we learn from the recent media blitz on Lindsay Lohan and Mel Gibson? You may expect me to come up with some hidden message or special lesson here — but sometimes the obvious is the hardest to digest. The lessons from LiLo and Mel: Don’t drink and drive and don’t beat up on your wife. I am not trying to sound trite or sarcastic here (for once). The simple elements of the cases of both Lohan and Gibson are not really being discussed in the media. I find this fascinating and slightly disturbing.

I have counted over twenty-five media hits that I have done myself in the last two weeks on both the Lohan jail sentence and Gibson tapes — on NBC, Today Show, Inside Edition, Joy Behar, GMA, Fox News, etc. I have been asked about the celebrity justice issue for Lohan and the possibility of trial and the repercussions if Gibson is found guilty and everything in between. I enjoy being called to commentate on these cases and believe my legal expertise is valuable — but, sadly, there doesn’t seem to be lots of time on these news shows to discuss the dangers of getting a DUI and how rampant the practice of drinking and driving is (and how deadly), nor the prevalence of domestic violence in this country and what can be done to combat the issue (especially when it doesn’t involve celebrities who get attention and therefore — possibly — some additional protection).

Once again I would like to use my platform and big mouth to rant a little about these issues. Most of you reading this probably have driven home buzzed at some point in your life. Don’t do it again. It’s not worth it. Just call a cab or a friend if you have had too many drinks. Not only because you don’t want to go to jail, but because you want to prevent tragedies. Life is too short. As for domestic violence: Many of you may never have had direct experience with this terrible circumstance. If you have, you know how life-changing it can be and how horrible and difficult it is to get out. If you experience violence in the home tell someone immediately. You don’t have to live like that. There are so many resources for you. Be brave — make a change today.

These may seem like absolutely obvious points to make, but sometimes the obvious is the least focused on in the news coverage. As we continue to watch the media blitz on Lohan and Gibson, let us not allow the ‘star power’ quality of the cases/coverage blind us completely from the (perhaps obvious) important reminders about conduct in our society and what you can do for your part!

Read more: Prosecutor, Celebrity Justice, Dui, Lindsay Lohan, Mel Gibson, Domestic Violence, Los Angeles News

LOS ANGELES — Lindsay Lohan has been released from jail, but she’s not exactly a free woman.

The actress was discharged at 1:35 a.m. Monday after serving 14 days of a 90-day sentence for violating her probation in a 2007 drug case, a sheriff’s spokesman said. She is now required to begin a three-month stint in rehab.

Read more: Lindsay Lohan Jail, Lindsay Lohan, Lindsay Lohan Rehab, Lindsay Lohan Free, Entertainment News

To say the release of 91,000 classified documents has revealed a disconnect between our public position on Afghanistan and the actual situation on the ground is like inferring a disparity between yoga and bayonets. Dawn dishwashing liquid and green olive tapenade. A tray full of Southern Comfort old- fashioned sweets and a herringbone Segway.

Unlike the Pentagon Papers, we can’t even work up a good outrage, mainly because come on, 91,000 documents. That’s like reading all seven Harry Potter books thirty times over. I don’t care how authentically rustic your wand is, nobody’s doing that. There’s even questions as to whether it’s 91,000 documents, 92,000 documents, if all the documents have been released or more are being held in reserve for we mere Muggles.

I know. What’s a thousand documents amongst friends? Well, there’s your problem. We don’t have any friends. Corruption over there is endemic, pandemic and epidemic. Our allies aren’t necessarily allied on our side. The fighting is going badly and a halfway decent deep- dish pizza crust remains a concept the Afghanis seem unable or unwilling to embrace. Not to mention Democracy.

Unplug the drain and the ring around the tub is we’ve been there 8 years and things are so not getting better. As a matter of fact you could say the movement more resembles whatever is the opposite of getting better. Don’t even mention quagmire. Hah. Hah. We sneer at your quagmire. Our Afghanistan participation makes a quagmire look like a refreshing dip in a spring fed pool with buckets of frosty beer within reach and cold cucumbers slices on our eyelids. Spa spangled bog.

This dastardly document dump also managed to tick off Pakistani officials who dispute claims that the ISI, their intelligence agency, is collaborating with the Taliban. “These allegations are always repeated.” Hmm. Curious as to why those allegations would always be repeated, eh what? Maybe because, like the sun and those silly allegations about the rising in the East, they’re… TRUE?

And for those of you surprised by the amount of grandstanding caused by the WikiLeaks disclosures, either you forgot it was an election year or have been making too many side trips to the magic brownie counter in your medicinal marijuana store. A veritable slew of Congressmen are sharpening their budget scalpels, asking how we can toss Pakistan a couple billion a year in foreign aid while they’re helping Afghani insurgents? With friends like these, who needs enemy combatants?

As unexpected as a checkered tablecloth in a pizzeria, the Administration is playing down any revelations. “Nothing new to see here. Everything generally known. Move along.” Perhaps, just not generally known by the general public. Privately, White House officials anticipate using these leaks to pressure Pakistan to play nice. Yeah. Right. Dream on, big river. You got a better chance convincing Lindsay Lohan to give up all her nasty habits and start wearing one.

If this leak tells us anything, it’s that this is not a winnable war. Right now, America has a lot of stuff on a lot of plates and keeping them all spinning is neither cheap nor easy. Afghan plates, on the other hand, are not very full and they seem to like it like that. Especially when deep- dish pizza crumbs can get them beheaded. As they say in Animal House, “If I were us, I’d be… leaving.” Will Durst is a San Francisco based political comedian who often writes. This being an example of questionable merit.

Catch his stand up at a benefit for the Oasis Theater Ensemble in Wausau, Wisconsin, on Friday August 6th. 2 shows.
And as part of the Comedy Talks series on August 15th at the San Francisco Presentation Theater with Robert Morse and Shelley Berman. For tickets: comedytalks.com or 800.838.3006.
His new CD, “Raging Moderate,” now available from Stand Up! Records on both iTunes and Amazon.

Read more: Taliban, Lindsay Lohan, Deep Dish Pizza, Pentagon Papers, Afghanistan War, Politics News

The race to get ready for Lindsay Lohan is on, as the rehab facility she will check into undergoes its own major rehabilitation — one that cost nearly a quarter of a million dollars, we’re told.

As TMZ first reported, Lindsay will get her court appointed 90-day treatment at a center based in Newport Beach, CA — although we’ve learned she will actually be at a satellite compound in nearby Costa Mesa.

Read more: Lindsay Lohan, Lindsay Lohan Rehab, Entertainment News