There is actually a job more insane than being Lindsay Lohan’s assistant — tending to the needs of her mom and sister!

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Charlie Sheen, Lindsay Lohan…

Every week another celebrity shows up in Rehab, but do we ask why? The addicted star has been a staple of plays, then movies, now unreality television. Are there any ways to present this massacre of talent?

Here’s a list of some of the risks of fame and their antidotes:

Post-Work Adoration

With people clamoring to touch your hair, grab your autograph or just glance at your face, it’s not hard to start feeling you deserve a title like North Korea’s Kim Jong Il, AKA “Guardian Deity of the Planet.”

Risks — entourage of sycophants; stimulants, alcohol and opiates to “keep the feeling going”; narcissistic withdrawal from daily routines.

Antidotes: Keeping up with family and old friends; time in nature; spiritual rest techniques; staying fit; reading history books (including entertainment history) and noting how many names you recognize

Get It While You Can

The Internet Age is fast, fast, fast and fickle, and you can watch your ratings go up and down minute by minute. And the next phone call, even if it is three in the morning, might be your next big break.

Risks — Impossible work schedules; never ending networking; mental and physical exhaustion; stimulants and sleeping pills; sex addiction; tobacco.

Antidotes — Short and long term planning, in writing, of what you want to do; keeping old friends close; protecting sleep time; daily physical fitness routines; spiritual rest techniques for perspective; making life musical by following body clocks and keeping regular times for activity and rest

Public is Private
Getting photographed every time you go to the bathroom can drive anyone over the edge. Why else would Jodie Foster go off on a 17-year-old?

Risks:Anger, helplessness, depression, physical violence, alcohol.

Antidotes: Planned, scheduled time away; Friends in places other than financial and cultural capitals; hiking in natural scenery; physical and mental rest techniques to quickly calm you in the maelstrom; acting in the media like you’re “just folks.”

Performance Pressure
If 10.000 people are screaming your name, you better be good — really good. Plus everything you do will be on the internet within two hours.

Risks: Panic attacks; endless anxiety; fear for one’s physical safety; alcohol; stimulants; tobacco

Prevention — frequent rehearsals, with liberal use of rest downtime (necessary anyway for memory formation, including for physical skills); self-hypnosis and paradoxical relaxation to calm down; scheduled review of performances to see what worked and what didn’t; quick social connections to friends and family

Shift Work and Hyper-arousal
It’s 10:30 p.m. In 30 seconds you’re supposed to perform perfectly for hours, go to post-performance parties and schmooze, then suddenly turn off the excitement and fall asleep instantly at 3:30 a.m..

Risks: Stimulants, including coffee and tea; sleeping pills — often in combination with stimulants to produce the “Up Down Trap” of trying to be both “on” to perform and then quickly “off”; alcohol; profound sleep deprivation with intermittent depression; general physical malaise.

Antidotes: Protected sleep time, with quiet, comfortable, cool, dark sleeping quarters; physical fitness including dancing; control of after work alcohol (alcohol effects on you at midnight are two to three times what they are at 6 p.m.); physical rest techniques like yoga, deep breathing and paradoxical relaxation; plant-based diet

Travel
Seeing the world can be great fun even if airplanes are high desert environments stuffed with internationally competitive recycled viruses. And that’s after you manage to get on board.

Risks: Jet lag; depression; colds and flus; endless discombobulation; sleeping pills; alcohol; downers; feeling your body belongs to someone else

Antidotes: physical rest techniques like yoga and deep breathing; avoiding red eye flights; mental rest techniques like self-hypnosis; reading when not working (The Transportation Safety Administration is apparently not frightened by books or magazines); frequent small meals; avoiding stimulants

Living Fast and Full
Warren Zevon and Lady Gaga said “I’ll sleep when I’m dead” and many performers think the same. Unfortunately it works the other way around; every animal model of sleep deprivation ends up with very dead animals.

Risks: Stimulants; downers; alcohol; hallucinogens; narcissistic relationships that end really badly; infections; physical collapse; suicidal behaviors

Antidotes: Conversations with old people, particularly performers; talks with grandparents, parents, aunts, uncles, mentors and teachers; regular vacations; spiritual and mental rest techniques that can provoke feelings of awe; yoga; scheduled daily physical workouts.

Risk Reduction for Non-Performers

Even if you’re not a celebrity, you might be at risk for rehab. Sometimes the risk is genetic, as is true for many illicit and prescription drugs, though often it’s behavioral, as happens to overstressed, multitasking workers in a time of economic crisis.

How do you prevent getting hooked? Social connections; physical, mental, social and spiritual rest; nutritional variety; regularity of your daily pattern; alternating mental and physical activity; setting a daily rhythm to life.

Mostly listen to your body. Just learn the way your body is built. We renew and rebuild our bodies very quickly and effectively. One way to avoid Rehab is to enjoy the Way of Rest, the process by which our body naturally restores, rebuilds, and renews.

Use your body the way it’s built, and it will thank you.

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News item: Lindsay Lohan has proceeded to rehab following her jail time, pursuant to a Los Angeles court’s sentence for violating the conditions of her probation.

Dr. Drew: “If Lindsay Lohan were my daughter, I would pack her car full with illegal substances, send her on her way, call the police and make sure she was arrested.”

First MSNBC commentator: “Isn’t it ironic Lindsay Lohan was released from prison so quickly because prisons are overcrowded with drug offenders?”

Second MSNBC commentator: “Next time — straight to rehab.”

Is there anything wrong with arresting drug offenders and sending them to treatment (which is similar to drug courts that are popular around the United States)?

Here are six objections:

1. The court system is already overloaded with drug offenders — using courts to channel people into treatment adds to the baggage with which the system is overloaded.
2. Drug courts have failed to show that providing counseling et al is more effective than the usual sanctions.
3. We are mixing treatment and punishment — to wit, many people are arrested for drug offenses; not all, not even a majority, are diagnosable addicts.
4. It is illegal in California (and elsewhere in the United States) to force people into 12-step treatment according to the 9th Circuit Federal Appeals Court, as decided in Inouye v. Kemna, which follows similar decisions.*
5. Most people, including Lindsay Lohan — who has traveled this route before — don’t respond positively to coerced treatment, as described by Amy Coy.
6. The American Psychiatric Association for the first time has proposed including in the next edition of its diagnostic manual a nonsubstance addiction: gambling. Does anyone doubt that subsequent editions will expand the list of “behavioral” addictions? Will we then sentence people to treatment for porn, sexual, shopping, exercise, romantic, video addiction?

Do we want to go down that road?

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* Defendant “does not, however, dispute that the program was substantially based in religion, and presents no evidence that the program differed from the usual AA/NA program, described by the Second Circuit in Warner as comprising ‘intensely religious events,’ and by the Seventh Circuit in Kerr as ‘fundamentally based on a religious concept of a Higher Power.’ . . . For the government to coerce someone to participate in religious activities strikes at the core of the Establishment Clause of the First Amendment.”

Read more: Compulsory Treatment, Lindsay Lohan, Coerced Treatment, Addiction Treatment, Lindsay Lohan Rehab, Addiction & Recovery, Living News

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